We can discover the meaning in life in three different ways:

(1) by doing a deed

(2) by experiencing a value

(3) by suffering.

Victor Frankl

What happens during an NLP training often goes much deeper than simply learning skills and techniques. Profound changes occur, just through experimenting with new ideas and perspectives. A great example of this is the following story by a recent graduate.            (Arielle Essex)

After the terrible civil war tore apart my former country of Yugoslavia, I came to England with a huge emptiness inside me. My country didn’t exist anymore. A great part of my life, 25 years, didn’t exist anymore either. I came from Bosnia, which now seemed to exist only in my memory and heart as an illusion. It was hard to deal with this gap in my identity.

Then last Christmas, my wonderful husband asked me what I would like for a present. What came to my mind was something quite different: I wanted some kind of training or approach that was spiritual, practical, educational and intellectual – very 3^rd millennium – something that could help me. Teaching English as a second language gave me the impetus to search for ways to add to my professional growth as well. So, I searched the internet, read about NLP, and found Arielle’s Practical Miracles website. Here I was amazed to find just the sort of extraordinary approach I wanted!

The training was brilliantly structured. Arielle taught how to pay attention, take full responsibility for communication, how to respect everything you see, feel, hear, touch and smell. We not only got the chance to experience every concept, but to bring it all into alignment. Arielle has a way of making everyone feel comfortable, by honouring everything you bring. I volunteered to do the demo for ‘Changing Negative Beliefs’. To my surprise, the change was instant, powerful and profound! My old weakness became my strength. The negative belief was gone! My story changed into a unique and happy story that I could appreciate, love and live with. It felt like building a bridge to the lost parts of my old life.

I loved every minute of this extraordinary training. Although 20 days over five months sounds like a long time, I didn’t want it to end. Everything on the training is purposeful, honest, meaningful, serious and yet great fun too. Arielle’s stories, great knowledge and personal experiences – all her expertise makes her teaching the difference that makes the difference!

When my 11 year old daughter’s class planned a trip to Cornwall, she felt very nervous, anxious and worried about all the water activities included. She didn’t feel confident about swimming. With NLP, I now knew exactly how to help her! We did the ‘Circle of Excellence’ technique and gave her an anchor for all kinds of confidence to boost her inner state. When she returned from Cornwall, she was glowing with pride. She had participated in all kinds of thrilling water adventures. She said, ‘Mommy, how is that possible? I felt so nervous and anxious, but my anchor took it all away! It’s miraculous!’

Perhaps what helped me the most was learning how to ‘tune in’ and listen to my own inner state. On the morning of our practical exam, I woke up with a very strong, thumping heartbeat. How could I possibly do the exam feeling so nervous! But I just tuned in, listened to the feelings and asked myself what message that feeling wanted to give me? ‘Do your best!’ it said. As I realized this positive intention, immediately my heartbeat slowed down. My butterflies started flying in formation! I began to feel excited and honoured to have the chance to use NLP with grace and elegance to help others. This felt like more than a gift: to be able to turn my nervous frustration into inspiration!

Just over 5 months ago I didn’t know anything about NLP, now it has become a natural part of my life. When I woke up the day after my NLP training, for a few seconds, it all felt like a dream. Was my walk home over the bridge a dream? Then I saw my certificate, and read through my manual again. I had become addicted to NLP! Thinking about how much my goals had changed from five months ago, I knew it wasn’t a dream!

I truly feel this training educated me to live in the third millennium. It is the Haute Couture of NLP training. You can have the best silk textile, but if you don’t know what to create with it, it’s not much use. We learned how to appreciate the qualities of our different silks and how to make gowns for every occasion.

After many, many years I am going back to Bosnia this summer, ready to accept things as they are. One of the most powerful learnings the training offers is the realisation of what you already have and who you are. The one thing that is always real is Unconditional Love.  My family, my parents, brother, many dear friends lost so much in the war. But all the material things can be replaced. What saved us was that love. I had always appreciated how lucky I am to have it in the present and in the future. But I used to live with the belief that it didn’t exist in the past. Now I can be stronger, happier and better having it back there too.

The knowledge this NLP training incorporates includes so many psychological, biological and spiritual aspects that it is a ‘must’ for people to understand how things work nowadays. To learn how to embrace everything in this world is precious. This education should be in schools, and every institution. I’m so grateful to have the wisdom to look at everything in a different way.

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves. Buddha

by

Zeljana Delrieux

What can cats and dogs teach us about getting along with people? In fact, they give us wonderful examples of power, influence and charisma. Think about the general stereotypes that cats and dogs represent so well. Cats seem aloof, relaxed, in control, and wise. Dogs, on the other hand, seem overly friendly, excitable, dependent and obedient. All of this is conveyed through body language. Translating CAT & DOG non-verbal behaviours across to humans, it’s easy to spot the same two types of non-verbal behaviour in people around you.

People who demonstrate CAT behaviour exude power, authority and control. By standing tall, looking serious and speaking with few gestures, they seem cool, confident and credible. Their words command respect. People expect them to be leaders. At the other extreme, people who demonstrate DOG behaviour exude friendly, open, approachability. They smile, nod their heads and chat with ease, talking with lots of emotion and frequent gestures. Their natural people skills make them co-operative and good team players.

Why is this important? Because 92% of human communication is non-verbal. People make up their minds about another person in the first 90 seconds of interaction. These impressions then dictate how they respond as well as determining hierarchy. So, words have less impact than body language, voice tone, gestures, facial expression, and overall energy. Instead of focusing on the content of what to say, pay attention to the overall delivery.

When could this be crucial? Whenever you need to make sure your communication is understood the way you mean it. Getting your non-verbals to match your message means you’ll increase your congruence, understanding, clarity and trust. Just think about those important exchanges you have with clients, your boss, your partner, your kids or at meetings. If you’ve ever wondered why such conversations didn’t go well, learning Non-Verbal Intelligence skills will help.

Day to day interactions require being able to assess what kind of moods other people are in, what reactions to expect and whether or not it’s a good time to ask that question. What if you could read people better and communicate in ways more likely to gain understanding and agreement? If you could accurately assess non-verbal behaviour, you’d know when you have permission to speak. You’d know what approach to use in different situations. How useful would it be to correctly identify the people politics, the hierarchy of power, so that you respond and satisfy those expectations?

Most people demonstrate a mixture of both CAT & DOG behaviours, depending on mood and the situation. However, they also tend to have a habitual preference towards one or the other. This makes it easier to predict how a person will react and what kind of interaction will work best. Both CAT & DOG behaviours are useful and appropriate in different situations.

How is this useful? First you need to identify whether the person you are communicating with has more CAT or DOG tendencies. Then you must quickly assess what outcome you want, and what protocols need to be considered. Then it’s easy to choose how to respond appropriately, just by making small changes to your natural style.

Consider the body language of CATS: aloof, arrogant, quiet, still, in control, focused on their own interests, and quite happy to be alone. Compared to CATS, DOGS seem more friendly, gregarious, constantly moving, barking, panting, eager to please and happy to follow a master. You can’t teach a CAT, punish him or reward him – he just ignores you and carries on doing whatever he chooses to do. A DOG, however, responds well to praise, and can be taught lots of tricks. But the sensitive dog typically overreacts to punishment. Fights between the two are usually won by CATS.

People who demonstrate lots of CAT behaviour exude more credibility, power, autonomy and leadership. If these are qualities that you need to develop, just changing your delivery style will help win people’s respect. People who demonstrate more DOG behaviour exude more approachability, cooperation, friendliness, teamwork and competence. If you’ve been told you lack such people skills, then learning to soften your delivery style will help win cooperation. The art is knowing when to use which style.

Want to learn more? Why not join us for our 2 day intensive on NON-VERBAL INTELLIGENCE, 26, 27 June? It’s fun! It’s enlightening! You’ll discover so much about how to read people and improve communication, you’ll never look back.

Never mistake talking for conversation.
Anyone can play the notes, the magic is in the intervals, in the phrasing.
Susan Scott

© Arielle Essex

How good are you at being in the right state to receive? What kind of energy attracts the desired outcome? How do you maintain the right frame of mind once you’ve set an intention? Does your energy match what you are asking for?

Most people fall into the trap of becoming so attached to getting a desired result that they trip over themselves. The paradox of wanting something and letting go seems illogical. How is it possible to let go while pursuing a goal relentlessly? Hence people become ‘human doings’ instead of human beings. They value of taking action, going for it, striving, doing whatever it takes, persistence, determination, drive, motivation and never giving up. These recommended proactive behaviours often produce results, but they only present one half of the process.

This action oriented approach hides inherent problems. Of course, achieving a future goal promises happiness, success, fulfilment etc,, but that immediately implies the present state is no longer satisfying. The more energy is focused on getting the outcome, the more the current undesirable state becomes amplified. Before the goal was set, there may have been a more peaceful acceptance.

Who stops to question whether or not the receiver is ready to receive? For example, when people search for a perfect partner, do they look in the mirror to see if they embody all the qualities they seek? When they wish for success and abundance, have they learned how to manage money? When they want that incredible job or high position, have they checked they’ve got the qualities that are required?

Perhaps a good look in the mirror is the best place to start. Matching the energy frequency of the desired goal attracts the positive resonating frequencies to be reflected back. Start with acting ‘as if’ or ‘faking it until you make it’ to get the ball rolling in the right direction. However, a good follow-through is also necessary. What needs to change, be improved, or learned?

The best energy for attracting any kind of success is gratitudeand acceptance for what you have already received. Although this sounds like the opposite of goal setting and striving to do whatever it takes, this state of positive ‘being’ acts like a magnet. Once you access the state of just ‘being’ all possibilities open up, and everything becomes available. Only then can true choices or preferences be made about ‘becoming’.

The trick is being able to learn from the past in order to improve what the future brings. As a choice is made, the alternatives fade away. If the essence of ‘being’ guides the choice, it will match true inner virtues and values. So, starting from an attitude of gratitude, trust and acceptance means being true to yourself.

Questions to reflect on:
How do I know I didn’t need what I don’t have? I don’t have it.
What have I got now and what can I do with that?
How can I make the best of what is?
Where is the good in this?
What could be good about this?
What good can come from this?
What would love say, do or think?

God is within you. You yourself are the creator. If you find that place within you from which you brought this thing about, you will be able to live with it and affirm it, perhaps even enjoy it, as your life.
Joseph Campbell
© Arielle Essex

We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them. Kahlil Gibran

Someone recently asked, ‘if visualizing works, why don’t people have everything they want?’ This question presupposes some very interesting points. First: the possibility that visualizing could work or not work at different times. Second: people don’t already have what they want. Third: people know what they want and actually know how to make use of visualization techniques.

Another name for visualizing is conscious deliberate creation. This idea suggests that visualizing will make things happen and thought creates matter. So in order to understand how this could be possible, it’s necessary to look at the atom in a new way. Physicist Dr. Milo Wolff presents some very convincing ideas with his ‘Space Resonance Theory’. Dr. Wolff maintains that there are only 3 particles in the atom: protons, neutrons and electrons. The rest, like photons, positrons and quarks, just appear to be particles, and can be explained differently as by-products in his new theory.

IN Waves and OUT Waves

The problem is that electrons have no structure. They are clouds of probability in a constant state of flux. No one can predict their size, mass or charge. Plus the act of observing them immediately affects how they behave. Furthermore because mass can be converted to electromagnetic energy, which has no mass, there’s no way to substantiate the concept of mass, or even the existence of a particle.

Dr. Wolff proposes that electrons are composed of spherical waves of energy. These onion shaped clouds incorporate IN Waves of energy which converge to the centre and then become OUT Waves which diverge from the centre. When In Waves and Out Waves combine, they form spherical standing waves of energy with a finite amplitude at the centre that appears to act like a particle.

These spherical waves oscillate and resonate with other matter in the universe. Coupled oscillating systems that spontaneously begin to resonate means they cycle together in a steady and repeating rhythm. The influence they have on each other explains what Einstein called ‘spooky action at a distance’. This attraction energy will only resonate with systems of the same frequency.

Thoughts Attract Things

So if thoughts, beliefs, intentions, or desires have a direct effect on these spherical waves of energy, and these ‘particles’ oscillate with other particles of matter at any distance, then thoughts attract things.

The problem with conscious deliberate creation occurs because a human being thinks on average 60,000 thoughts a day, and most of them are not very conscious thoughts. Many of the unprocessed thoughts swilling around in the unconscious mind produce more than 90% of the thoughts being radiated out into this energy field. Hence, visualizing always works but the process may be attracting and matching some undesirable thoughts of lower frequency from deep in the unconscious.

There are at least three solutions! First, do some in-depth NLP work to bring the unconscious thoughts out into the light of day and process them to resolve the old thinking. Second, raise your energy frequency (tips later). Third, improve the quality and regularity of visualization (tips later)

People think they don’t have what they want, but from a metaphysical perspective, the opposite is true. There are no mistakes. Every decision, every path, every action, everything that ever happened was all perfectly designed for learning new insights, developing new qualities, receiving wisdom and becoming enlightened. The choice to accept those gifts can be made at any time. Complaining about what is and resisting the process merely delays the joy, peace and happiness that could be experienced now.

Do you know what you want? Do people really know what they want? Small goals might be easy to choose, but many people feel confused when it comes to bigger issues. They often think they want something because it promises to deliver happiness. Or the influence of friends, family or someone else makes them choose a particular route. Or there is internal conflict that causes incongruence. Or there are beliefs about not deserving, being incapable, being inadequate or that it’s all too late. These silly thoughts need to be processed and let go of.

When you visualize, you generate powerful OUT Waves of energy. These start oscillating and matching whatever has the same frequency as your thoughts. So not only will you selectively notice those aspects in your environment, but you’ll be attracted to moving in the direction where those things will be attracted back to you. Manifesting requires the IN Waves of energy that match your desire to be accepted and received. If your energy state doesn’t match the returning IN Wave, the manifesting cannot complete. So being in alignment with what you want to receive is key.

Practice Some Visualizing Right Now!

Visualizing works best if you can raise your energy first. Breathe deeply, clear your mind, find that inner place of peace. Then tap into thoughts of total gratitude for every good thing you have right now. Trust that areas that seem less than perfect are just work in progress. It’s just that the benefits have not yet been received. Now, bring to mind what you most desire and imagine the moment when this is already reality. You have it, and you are enjoying every minute, every detail, feeling every good feeling that it brings. See how long you can make this last without your mind wandering. 5 minutes is all it takes (everyday).

If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise. Robert Fritz

© Arielle Essex 2010